Failed
by WindowChild
Summary: After half the pack leaves Sam to join Jacob, the former Alpha feels he's failed them. SamEmily.


A/N: Written because I quite like Sam, and he's probably my favorite after Seth and Carlisle. Also, I don't see why his point of view on the pack thing was ignored (I mean, I see why it was, as it wouldn't have worked with the story, but I'm sad it wasn't included).

Emily stood in the doorway of their modest home, her lean shadow spilling into the kitchen. She stayed still a moment longer, just watching him. "Sam."

He sat stock still at the table, a mug of something in his hands. When he didn't answer her, Emily knew that he was miles away - or else avoiding her, which he rarely did. She could remember only one other circumstance.

"Sam," she repeated, more quietly. Dark hair spilled onto her shoulders, swinging to cover her damaged face; as always, the movement of her body caught his eye. Using just his peripheral vision, he spared her half a glance before returning his gaze to the table. He cleared his throat, and she sank into the chair beside him.

"Sam?" She reached to take his tan hand, which gripped the cup with unnecessary force. The way he held his body, so still... it reminded her off his supernatural capabilities. No human could keep so steady.

He let out a long, whistling breath, and her attention snapped back to his face. The stolid mask slipped for a brief second, and she spotted the pain there. Why? Certainly Bella's life was no concern to him, really. Unless, he was concerned over...

The imprinting didn't work both ways, exactly, but he revealed more of his soul to her than to anyone. She knew him better than anyone else, including the pack members who knew his thoughts. She knew - nearly always, nearly without exception - what Sam felt. Which was why, at this moment, her mind zeroed in on the real source of his depression.

"Oh Sam... Jacob just - "

He shook his head, and she let her voice melt into the wooden floorboards. Jacob was a wild card, anyway. She liked him plenty, most of the times, but there were moments when she wanted him to grow up. Stop acting so selfish.

"This isn't about Jacob," he said, and the sour note in his voice surprised her. Sam could go from stony to romantic, hot with anger at his worst... but bitter? Never. Until now, anyway. He twitched for a second, fighting something, and Emily couldn't help it - she flinched.

The slight jerk of her shoulders snapped it out of him, and he stared at her. She watched the hurt pool into his eyes, deep as a layer of molasses. "Sorry," she muttered, shaking her head.

"Why are you - why are you apologizing?" he stood up abruptly, catching her off guard. "I -" He cut off, unsaid words between them. Though it was ages ago, forgiven with all her heart, Sam had never forgotten that moment. The one scar on his beautiful reputation, the one mistake he could never undo... and though it was backwards of her, Emily hated her stupid face for reminding him. Every day. Every moment. Every kiss they'd ever share. That was why she apologized, and why he hated it so.

A moment passed as Emily wondered if he wanted to be alone, but the motion of Sam dropping his head into his hands alerted her. "Sam..." she walked forward, lacing her arms across his broad shoulders. He was as expressive as his brothers, though she often found him less vulnerable. He was the leader - signs of weakness were rare from him.

"Jacob -" she began, her voice soft.

"This isn't about Jacob," he hissed, though there was no anger there. He sounded desperate, broken. "He - he was always going to..." She heard him gulp back the lump in his throat, and she kissed the spikes of his hair. "But Seth - and Embry and Quil, and - " he inhaled with a snap, and his fingers started twitching. He wouldn't transform though, she knew that. Not this time. "Leah," he finally added, his voice breaking between the syllables. "I failed them."

"What?" The air rushed out of her chest, because she hadn't expected that. He would feel abandoned, maybe, sad at losing his friends... but Sam Uley was anything but a failure. How didn't he see that?

"They - they left because I can't lead them," he paused, trying to regain his composure. "Not like he can. I - I failed." He stopped speaking abruptly, and she heard his breaths jut in shaky pants.

"Sam," she sighed, turning him around fiercely. "How dare you think that." Her hands pressed against his cheeks, cool and warm all at once. He shut his eyes against them, wondering how she could bear to love him after all he'd put her through. "You - you are such an amazing man, Sam... the animal inside you, it does nothing to..." She stopped struggling for the words, and instead placed a hand across his heart. "You are a leader," she whispered, stepping closer. "And you didn't fail anyone. Not anyone. Their leaving was their choice, but you have so many who are loyal to you." She gazed at him, eyes soft. "Who look up to you."

He stared at her a moment, awed. Then, with the crack of a sob that broke her heart, his face crumpled against her hand. His eyes squeezed together, tears streaming between them. "I still - I still - "

The last time she'd seen him this way, it was after he hurt her. She'd been afraid to be this close to him, however badly she wanted to comfort him. This moment, though, she knew she would do anything - anything - to make him better. With a step forward, she kissed away each tear. She laced her arms around him, drawing him against her. She let the facade of the iron alpha lie in pieces, preferring to repair him with gentle words of confidence. He would never fail, she told him. And she said it over and over, added a note of ferocity for each tear that splashed against her blouse, and she prayed he understood her.

A/N: A little angsty, but those are my favorite kinds of fics... reviews would be lovely!


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